Thursday, October 12, 2006

Announcement of Glorious Nuclear Achievement to Gangster Stooges of Blogosphere

In the back yard of scientific researchings behind the Great Storage Shed of the People, Iowahawk scientists successfully conducted above-ground nuclear missile test explosions under secure and many malt liquor conditions on early hours of October 10, 2006, at a stirring time when alarm clocks of the neighborhood have yet to clangle. To the impotent yappings of the neighboring gangster devils, Iowahawk responds: howl away, bourgeois traitors of Lakewood Mobile Home Court! Your pitious lamentations and cowardly 911-callings will never stop Iowahawk from the great leap forward into great and powerful prosperity, using his mighty quiver of nuclear-tipped cherry bombs and fully-fissionable bottle rockets for peaceful unity purposes!

Let it now be known that testings were conducted with indigenous wisdom and technology 100 percent. The Central Defense Committee of Iowahawk, Chuck, and Julio are to be congratulated for their ingenious creation of nuclear defense technology from glow-lite sticks and high-quality Missouri fireworks. Also to be honored is Chuck's ex-wife Rhonda, who drove the Central Defense Committee to Missouri to obtain firework materials, low-price smokes and PowerBall tickets.

It can also be confirmed that there was no such danger as radioactive emission or finger-loss in the course of the testing as it was carried out under scrutinous scientific consideration and careful calculation, and with one of those long-tipped Bic fireplace lighters. Also to insure safety, it was more than one hour after the Central Defense Committee's last round of scientific bong hits....