Friday, April 23, 2004

Redneck Warfare



Redneck Army Vows Revenge


TOPEKA, KS - Armed with the latest in backwoods artillery - rocks, sticks, a standard-issue torch and mullets to spare - America's rednecks have decided to take it upon themselves to give retribution for the tragic events that unfolded earlier this week on 9/11.

"We was sittin' around and thought we should shoot ourselves some A-rabs," remarked one enthused hillbilly boy.

As a growing and disturbing trend, random acts of violence have been perpetrated against anyone deemed as "those people" by ignorant masses of hillbilly inbreds.

"I don't know who did it exactly but I sure as hell am gonna git him or hims," stated local Mob Leader Jervis Smith. "They all should go back to Hindu where they came from!"

Three hours later, Smith was arrested for attempting to light a local convenience store on fire.

But the attitude that Smith and several others in the rural community share doesn't appear to be limited to areas where a fifth-grade level of reading is considered "edumucated". Violence has been witnessed in urban cities, large and small - and this has law enforcement agencies quite worried.

All across America, police are ramping up efforts to combat the hate crimes committed against convenience stores owners, donut shop clerks, cab drivers and yes, even doctors, lawyers and engineers.